August 10, 2009
I can’t believe how much work it is being a baby. I work so hard that I have to constantly take naps. One of the things thing I’ve learned is if you put your lower lip just over your upper lip into kind of a pouty look the parents will pick you up instantly. You don’t even have to actually cry. They think it’s cute. It’s best to save the crying for when the pouty look doesn’t work.
Now, you are probably asking yourself “Why would I even want those people to hold me?”. Think about it, dumbass! ( I know I shouldn’t say those bad words but my Noni says this particular one all the time.) Would you really want to be lying on your back all day in a giant crib with only a stupid mobile for company? The answer is no!! I know I would be bored to tears. At least when they are holding you, you can look around. I wish that stupid teenager who held me the other day would have supported my head a little better. I had a sore neck for two days.
My Noni likes to exercise my legs. She moves them back and forth and at the same time sings some silly song. I’d like to see someone do that to her. She’d quit singing really fast.
Oh, the next person who pinches my cheek gets spit up on. I also wish they would stop with the baby talk. I can’t understand a word they’re saying. I don’t understand why everyone’s voice goes up about ten octaves as soon as they see me.
It’s so much work trying to communicate with everyone. I’m learning to not only cry but scream. You ought to see them run to me when I do that. It’s hilarious, though I am still trying to figure out how to laugh. I’ve got the smiling thing down. They will do almost anything to get me to crack a smile.
Oh, I’ve got to go. Time for a nap.
These photos were taken by Noni with her IPhone.
June 21, 2009
Mumma, Noni and Grampy took me to my first doctor’s visit. That’s because I am 1 week old today. Where’s the cake and ice cream? I was led to believe that you got cake and ice cream on your birthday. I was totally expecting chocolate cake. What a bummer.
The doctor visit was OK, though I don’t particularly like being paraded about naked. I mean, come on folks, they could at least have given me a hospital gown.
I’m right on target whatever that means. The doctor checked me out and kept saying ” Oh, what a cutie”. Personally, I think she says this to all new babies.
After the doctor, we went to town to my Mumma’s store so Mumma could show me off. I even got presents when I got there. One of the girls who works there gave me three books. Don’t tell her but I’m sure I will finish all three in a day. I take after my Noni. I love books.
Sarah’s boss Grammy Cheryl held me for a long time and I loved it. I consider her a Grammy though she refers to herself as a Fairy Godmother which is cool too.
Oh, I got another most awesome present there. Jeff, the jeweler, who works at my Mumma’s store gave me a ring that he made himself. It is a tiny teeny gold ring with a real diamond. When he gave it to my Mumma she got all teary eyed. It is so beautiful. Mumma won’t let me wear it until I am older. She thinks I will choke on it. What does she know?
After visiting everyone at the store we went to “A Bunch of Grapes” , the local bookstore. The store burned down last July 4th but reopened the day after I was born. Mumma bought me a Nursery Rhyme book because she can’t remember any of the nursery rhymes. I really wanted her to get “Twilight” , the book about Vampires.
Grampy watched me in the store while Mumma and Noni shopped. Mumma also bought a book for Daddy called ” I love Daddy Because”. Then she bought a book for Grampy for Father’s Day.
I didn’t get fussy because I wanted to give Mumma a break. I wanted her to enjoy herself. I’ve been very good so far. Mumma says so. When I got home I was very tired so I took a nap.
June 15, 2009
They say you can’t remember your birth. I’m going to change all that. My Noni read this article about whether babies remember birth and told Mumma about it. That’s why I know that I am going to remember everything. For the first time ever you are going to get to know what birth is like because I am going to tell all. This is ” Inside Edition”. When I say “Inside” I really mean it.
As I floated in the near darkness in my warm chamber I felt so happy. I could hear my Mumma talking to that old guy who doesn’t know what he wants me to call him.
Suddenly Mumma’s whole body did this funky thing and she yelled out “This is the worst one yet.” She had that right. The funky thing had been happening all week but I hadn’t let it bother me. But this one actually pushed me down towards this small opening in my lovely home. Ten minutes later it happened again. Again it pushed me closer and closer to that small hole.
Now look at that head and look at the small opening in the picture above and what do you see? I know what you’re thinking “NO way could anyone get out of there!” Well that’s what I thought.
That funky thing called contractions pushed me right through that little hole and into the tunnel. My head was very squished and the noises Mumma was making were very loud. I was not happy. Suddenly there was one big funky move and someone was pulling on my head and I popped out of the tunnel. The lights were bright and everyone was talking all at once. Someone grabbed me and laid me on Mumma’s tummy. I felt like I couldn’t breath so I opened my mouth and sucked in and since I was still a little mad about this whole event I cried. Don’t you think someone could come up with a better way to get me out of there?
Nap Time.
June 14, 2009
So the Stork Thing– NOT!!!! I hate to bust your baby balloon but the stork thing is an urban legend. If you’re due to have a baby and think the stork is going to give you a “get out of jail free card” , ha!, do I have a surprise for you. I had to go through a dark tunnel that I hardly fit in to get here and if you think that’s awful I also had to listen to Mumma yelling the whole time. She kept saying “Get her out of me!” I thought she liked having me in there. I guess she changed her mind.
I’ll tell you the story of how I got here next time.
Nap time!!
P.S. Don’t forget to read my “About Me” page.
June 12, 2009
I think Mumma is losing patience. Hey, it’s not my fault. She’s the one that’s supposed to be producing some hormone to get me out of here.
Nap Time!
