What Up Homies!

I celebrate my four month birthday on October 12th.  Do I expect presents? I did until Noni told me you don’t get presents every month just every year.  I really don’t like the every year thing.

She told me I have to remove the title of this post.  She doesn’t want me to sound like a ghetto girl — no offense to you Girl From the Ghetto .

Anyway, life is good.  Everyone caters to all my needs which aren’t really much right now.  It’s not like I’m asking for the car.  A little milk, a clean diaper and “Dancing With The Stars” and I’m happy.

I’m fortunate to have an ear piercing scream and they will all do anything to shut me up.   I’ll try to put up a video of my award winning scream.  It’s awesome.  I haven’t really won an award but I bet I could.

Noni and I spend time each week sitting on a bench in front of the bookstore.   We watch for DA’s.  You’ll have to figure out what DA means for yourself.  I’m not allowed to type the word.  We certainly see our share of them, though.

 

Just wait until I can walk and talk then I will have a lot to say here.  For now I’m just biding my time.

Time for a nap.

 

Noni can’t see so well.  Rarely does she get photos in focus.

The Trials and Tribulations of an 8 Week Old!

I can’t believe how much work it is being a baby. I work so hard that I have to constantly take naps.  One of the things thing I’ve  learned is if you put your lower lip just over your upper lip into kind of a pouty look the parents will pick you up instantly.  You don’t even have to actually cry. They think it’s cute.   It’s best to save the crying for when the pouty look doesn’t work.

Now, you are probably asking yourself  “Why would I even want those people to hold me?”.   Think about it, dumbass! ( I know I shouldn’t say those bad words but my Noni says this particular one all the time.)  Would you really want to be lying on your back all day in a giant crib with only a stupid mobile for company?   The answer is no!!  I know I would be bored to tears.  At least when they are holding you, you can look around.  I wish that stupid teenager who held me the other day would have supported my head a little better.  I had a sore neck for two days. 

My Noni likes to exercise my legs.  She moves them back and forth and at the same time sings some silly song.  I’d like to see someone do that to her.  She’d quit singing really fast. 

Oh, the next person who pinches my cheek gets spit up on. I also wish they would stop with the baby talk.  I can’t understand a word they’re saying.  I don’t understand why everyone’s voice goes up about ten octaves as soon as they see me. 

It’s so much work trying to communicate with everyone.  I’m learning to not only cry but scream.  You ought to see them run to me when I do that.  It’s hilarious, though I am still trying to figure out how to laugh.  I’ve got the smiling thing down.  They will do almost anything to get me to crack a smile.

 

Oh, I’ve got to go.   Time for a nap.

 

 

 

 

 

These photos were taken by Noni with her IPhone.

Videos of Me

Lilah being happy

Lilah not being happy

My Noni likes the first one the best.   In the second video it only took 1 minute and 18 seconds for Noni to put the camera down and pick me up.  Ha!  Ha! I’ve got her under my tiny thumb!

Guess what I did today!

Mumma, Noni and Grampy took me to my first doctor’s visit.  That’s because I am 1 week old today.  Where’s the cake and ice cream?  I was led to believe that you got cake and ice cream on your birthday.  I was totally expecting chocolate cake.  What a bummer.

The doctor visit was OK,  though I don’t particularly like being paraded about naked.  I mean, come on folks, they could at least have given me a hospital gown.

I’m right on target whatever that means.  The doctor checked me out and kept saying ” Oh, what a cutie”.  Personally, I think she says this to all new babies.

After the doctor,  we went to town to my Mumma’s store so Mumma could show me off.  I even got presents when I got there.   One of the girls who works there gave me three books.  Don’t tell her but I’m sure I will finish all three in a day.  I take after my Noni.  I love books.

Sarah’s boss Grammy Cheryl held me for a long time and I loved it.  I consider her a Grammy though she refers to herself as a Fairy Godmother which is cool too.

Oh, I got another most awesome present there.  Jeff, the jeweler,  who works at my Mumma’s store gave me a ring that he made himself.  It is a  tiny teeny gold ring with a real diamond.  When he gave it to my Mumma she got all teary eyed.  It is so beautiful.  Mumma won’t let me wear it until I am older.   She thinks I will choke on it.  What does she know?

After visiting everyone at the store we went to “A Bunch of Grapes” ,  the local bookstore.  The store burned down last July 4th but reopened the day after I was born.  Mumma bought me a Nursery Rhyme book because she can’t remember any of the nursery rhymes.  I really wanted her to get “Twilight” , the book about Vampires.

Grampy watched me in the store while Mumma and Noni shopped.  Mumma also bought a book for Daddy called ” I love Daddy Because”.  Then she bought a book for Grampy  for Father’s Day.

I didn’t get fussy because I wanted to give Mumma a break.  I wanted her to enjoy herself.  I’ve been very good so far.  Mumma says so. When I got home I was very tired so I took a nap.

Can You Remember?

They say you can’t remember your birth.  I’m going to change all that.  My Noni read this article about whether babies remember birth and told Mumma about it.  That’s why I know that I am going to remember everything.  For the first time ever you are going to get to know what birth is like because I am going to tell all.    This is ” Inside Edition”.  When I say “Inside” I really mean it.

As I floated in the near darkness in my warm chamber I felt so happy.  I could hear my Mumma talking to that old guy who doesn’t know what he wants me to call him.

Suddenly Mumma’s whole body did this funky thing and she yelled out “This is the worst one yet.”  She had that right.  The funky thing had been happening all week but I hadn’t let it bother me.  But this one actually pushed me down towards this small opening in my lovely home. Ten minutes later it happened again.  Again it pushed me closer and closer to that small hole.

Now look at that head and look at the small opening in the picture above and what do you see?    I know what you’re thinking  “NO way could anyone get out of there!”   Well that’s what I thought.

That funky thing called contractions pushed me right through that little hole and into the tunnel.  My head was very squished and the noises Mumma was making were very loud.  I was not happy. Suddenly there was one big funky move and someone was pulling on my head and I popped out of the tunnel.  The lights were bright and everyone was talking all at once.  Someone grabbed me and laid me on Mumma’s tummy.  I felt like I couldn’t breath so I opened my mouth and sucked in and since I was still a little mad about this whole event  I cried.  Don’t you think someone could come up with a better way to get me out of there?

Nap Time.

I’m Out, I’m Out!!!

So  the Stork Thing–   NOT!!!!    I hate to bust your baby balloon but the stork thing is an urban legend.   If you’re due to have a baby and think the stork is going to give you a “get out of jail free card” ,  ha!, do I have a surprise for you.  I had to go through a dark tunnel that I hardly fit in to get here and if you think that’s awful I also had to listen to Mumma yelling the whole time.  She kept saying “Get her out of me!”  I thought she liked having me in there.  I guess she changed her mind.

I’ll tell you the story of how I got here next time.

Nap time!!

P.S.  Don’t forget to read my “About Me”   page.

Peace

Not So Loud, I’m Not Deaf!

I think Mumma is losing patience.  Hey, it’s not my fault.  She’s the one that’s supposed to be producing some hormone to get me out of here.

Nap Time!

Shake it up Baby!!

Today Mumma  went for a walk with Grampa Wasband.  I think we need a new name for him.  I heard him say that I will decide what to call him when I start to talk.  He sounds a little nutty to me.  I don’t know what to call him.  I’ve got nothing here folks.  Help me!!.

This is me today.  Well, you can only see me if you have that X-Ray vision thing going on for you.  Otherwise you’re only going to see Mumma.

One thing I do  know is I will be able to wrap that Grampa guy around my little finger.  My Mumma has him wrapped twice.

Anyway, back to the walk.  Mumma thinks if she walks enough I’ll pop out.  ROTFLMAO!!!   NOT!  I’ll come out when I’m damn good and ready.  OOPS!!  I said one of those curse words.   I guess I take after Noni.  I’d better watch my mouth too.  Mumma’s going to have a great time having to keep her eye on both Noni and me.

Nap Time!

I’m Not Ready Yet!! You Got a Problem With That!

So here I am all comfy in Mumma’s womb except for the fact that all I can hear is “Come Out,  Come Out!!”.   Give a kid a break.  I’ve got everything I want in here though it’s getting to be a tight fit.

Oh yeah, Mumma keeps going for walks and it shakes me up quite a bit.  I like it better when she’s sitting and watching TV.

Another thing, I don’t think they realize I can hear everything they say.  Noni has quite a mouth.  She ran over her little toe with her wheelchair last week.  You should have heard her.  I learned 17 new curse words.  I also heard Mumma tell her she better start watching her mouth.

Nap time!!!!